struggle of an artistic mom

blah di blah

2007-12-02T21:45:23Z

WEll i am onmy lunch and chilling... waiting to come back and finish my work for the day. I never write in here but i figure why not. both my sisters write in here and i never remember. So what can i say. ummmmm.... wellll ... nothing really exciting/ i am trying to get my artwork off the ground and start to do something I enjoy for a change. but life has me busy as usual. no wi have to go back to work so much for writing ... oh well

no real subject

2006-12-16T21:10:35Z

ok so i am so bad at keeping up with this thing. so i will try to do better. its sat my last day off before work. nothing to exciting here, i had my rugs cleaned today. they look great! rearranged my living room, something about changing furniture around makes you feel good. refreshed. still have not done one speck of xmas shopping, theres a good reason for that but its a long story. i wanted to go today but could not. so not sure when i will be able to go since my hubby works am shifts and i work nights, i guess its xmas eve again. hope there is stuff left. job is going good but i am worried about being stuck in Customer care for the rest of my life. something about having people talk to you like your worthless makes you feel as if you are wasting your talents. which i know i am, but again. need to pay rent and bills and waiting for someone to recognize your ability takes to long.

My Xmas Stocking

2006-12-16T20:54:20Z

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for butterflycyn

get your stocking

when good songs happen to bad memories.

2006-11-19T08:06:34Z

oh the saddness.... i had just found an old song that i had not listened to in an oh so very long time.... billy joel's "For the longest Time"....and i quickly remembered why.. as the melody played in my ear I saw a face that i thought had been erased from my mind... 7 yrs ago.. the face of the cheating boyfriend... and how he use to sing this song to me.

Once a wonderful song has now turned rotten.. filled with poison form that painful relationship...
now i am married happily now for 6 years.. but still when someone breaks your heart... several times... certain things are ruined forever.. sadl to say billy joel for me...

But why.... why does someone who once took your heart have to take a good song to...

anyone care to comment?

stupid quesadillas

2006-08-12T10:57:59Z

ok it's 4 am and i am trying to eat a hot quesadilla while im-ing my sister... why cause i can't freakin sleep!!!

thats all i have to sa today so bye!

driving me crazy

2006-08-09T22:51:26Z

this whole driving thing is making me crazy.... i feel like a complete idiot that i can't seem to get this whole drinving thing down. i went out yesterday to practice and it was like i was a complete idiot that has never driven... i thought i was getting better but apparently i fell back to square one. i felt like i have never even practices at all.. i pushed back the driving test again in hopes to coquer my fears this weekend... mean while i haven't notifies my new job yet because i don't want to let them know when i will be ready until i know. which will be when i have my license in my hands... of course there is the whole thng about having to drive around on my own when i actually get my license... maybe i am putting to much pressure on myself i don't know... but i got to get my license eventually anyway so i got to get over this... i am so happy that i fially have made proactive choices but i can't seem to fuly get those choices going and i want to!

venting

2006-08-08T10:24:36Z

so i have been unemployed now for a couple of days. I was completely scared and unsure if quiting was the right thing to do... i was so frightened that my husband would recent me and think that what i am doing is selfish since i am not working. and now it is his responsibility again to bring in the income. but i realize that if i base every decsion i make on how my husband will take it. I will end up living his life. I can't worry about everyone else i have to focus on me and everything else will fit into place. i have to make sure i am doing all i need to to support my family. and all i need to help us get to where we need to go... and sometimes that requires a step back to see the big picture.. i have gotten so wrapped up in the little details of evereyday life that a year has gone by in a job i hate. A job that was suppost to be temporary but kept me from finding the job i want. this job started to look like the end for me. and that was never my intention. I didn't go to school to get an education in graphic design, while being pregnant and having a child, to work as a call center cust serv rep. i started to feel trapped and helpless. my husbad wasn't getting that he kept saying "do what you want but you have to make sacrifices." I am sorry i guess having 3 kids isn't a sacrifice at all. of course when i point that out it quickly gets dismissed. 27 months of my life doesn't count for SHIT!!! giving up acting to have my first kid.. doesn't mean anything.. why is it that pregnancy is just expected and assumed to be a vacation... carring a child is a miracle but in most cases is not a sheer physical joy. Its pain and uncomfortable and completely changes your body to now what is an empty vessel, with all the scarsans remnences of once was there. sure i love being a mom... i just think when you are done having kids your effort and the realization of what you did is quickly forgotten. and words like sacrifice are thrown around like pillows. so granted my husband is going to work tomorrow and anxiously awaiting my return to the work force as i am still trying to get my license for my new job. i know he is not happy but he wil get over it!!!

jobs

2006-08-03T03:20:37Z

so i have officially quit my job today to work in the art field as an art distributor. although the job entails that i have a license which i do not have yet. i do have yet another appointment to take my test to finally get my license. ok i was going to wait to quit my job because i can't start my new job until i get my license but it came down to go back to work and pay the rent money to the child care people of which we owe to or me stay home with the kids and prevent racking up more of a debt until i get my license and officially start. this whole process has been scary and unpredictable. even though it would have been safe for me to just stay at my job and count my blessings and wait it out i feel like i have come to a head and that this is the only way to prevent myself from getting sucked into a boring job in cust serv and never doing what i need to break free. although i am scared shitless i some how know that i did the right thing. my husband seemed supportive being my cheerleader and all but i kow deep inside he is thinking " now i have to bear the weight of making all the money until she gets another job. " of course i am already hired with the condition i have to get my license asap. i am tring to pray and keep my mind clear, but i must admit and ask am i being selfish? i have 3 kids to think about should i just suck it up and work a horrible job. what if i fall flat on my face like so many other things i have done. i am doing what i think will be good in the long run but am frightened that i made a mistake that could potentially set us back farther then er already are or everything could work out for the better which is what usually happens. once again i need to have faith in my lord and believe that it will work out.

tring to write witha baby on my back

2006-07-30T01:08:03Z

i am here tring to write my first entry and get the look of my journal going and my 18 month old is climbig on top of me and smacking me in the face. Although i am tring to ignore her it seems to be causing her to get more unhappy. so i don't think yhis will be all that exciting to read but never the less i can't stand logging in to add thins and seeing nothing here.